I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
