i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
