I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize