I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
