MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
