giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
