My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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