I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
