Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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