Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
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I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
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you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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