Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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