Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
His hands were made for my vagina.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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