I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
