I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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