Just fell off a train. Bad.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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