OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
