we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
