I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
