He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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