God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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