So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
