He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
