just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He shit in the fireplace
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
