Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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