Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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