I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
