Duck Duck Cougar?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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