It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
