he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
