So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
