i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
