I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
