Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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