he wants to bone in the snuggie
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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