Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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