Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
