just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
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Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
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I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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