sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
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Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
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The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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