piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
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someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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