I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
