bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My liver just had a heart attack.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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