I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats