I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
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He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
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I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.