Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
