i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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