He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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