So drunk, too bad you don't want this
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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