called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
