Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Dear god my vagina.
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