wrigley field is MILF paradise
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize