my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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