can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
