when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
