I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
