Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize