u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
