Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
