so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
