i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
