I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
