and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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