I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
