Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
