also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize