i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Randomize
