It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
