So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
