im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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