One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
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By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
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He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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