what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
