Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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