really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
