I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
