i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
