So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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