Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
