During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
