ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
