did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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