Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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