Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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