I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
