New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
