i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
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She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
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Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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