Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
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