Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You left your underwear on the fireplace
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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