I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
